Say No

In my business endeavors, and when I worked as a financial advisor, I saw in myself and others how hard it is to pronounce the two-letter word to someone.

When I met clients or when we’d do contests for gym members, I took notice how many would come up with countless excuses to avoid saying simply ‘no' I don’t want to do that.’ Why is it so hard to affirm ourselves? Why do we feel so weak in saying no? Are we afraid that it will hurt the person in front of us? Why so much guilt? Discomfort? We’d rather lie, disappear, invent a ridiculous excuse, than to look the person in the eye and with assurance say, ‘NO.’ And leave it at that.

True, it’s hard to do when in front of a seasoned salesperson. As an advisor, the managers told us when the client acquiesces three times, - example: Do you agree that…., are you ok with the fact that…etc… -  it is harder for him or her to say no. Seasoned salespeople are like great seducers, they know the rules of the game, you don’t. They understand psychology, body language, within thirty seconds and a few questions they can figure out what type of person you are and take you where they want to go. For some it’s a game, for others it’s serious business.

Even with my experience, I often find it hard to say no to someone, simply because the person in front of me was so kind, or because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. With time, however, I came to question: Is the pain harder to bear if I might disappoint someone? Or is harder to say yes and regret it later, especially when my gut said I should’ve said no?

Many call it the ‘disease to please.’ I think we all have it at different levels, we’re all humans, and at the core, I believe we are love. The disease to please, however, may cost us a lot of pain if uncontrolled.  The inability to say ‘no’ and not having the courage to go with our gut, may cost us a lot of money, emotional pain, or we might even wind up in the wrong bed. Our manager used to tell us how to get to a person’s pocket you must first get to their heart. "Ask them troubling questions," he would say, "because people pull out their wallet not out of rational thinking (most of the time) but out of emotions." Can we say the same thing about dating? If you want to get into someone’s bed, first get to their heart?

The ability to say ‘no’ comes from, I believe, emotional intelligence. Even the most rational, intelligent person becomes defenseless if his or her emotional intelligence isn’t developed. Unfortunately, I don’t think there are other ways to overcome our inability to say no than to put our pants on and utter the two-letter word, no matter how the other person might react. To say yes is easy, to say no –especially when unpopular or under pressure – is a sign of strength, IMO.

I wish everyone could get sales courses and understand sales psychology, that way many people could avoid the trap of saying yes out of fear instead of no out love and self-respect.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé