I learned an important lesson the day of my wedding, a week and a half ago. Like many of you, I consider marriage an important moment; a once in a lifetime event. To our joy, everyone present seemed to have a good time and went home happy...with one exception.
My cousin, my ''brother'' didn't attend. Why? Because there was miscommunication as to the time we were supposed to celebrate. Yes. You read correctly. Not only did it hurt me, but I thought how ridiculous this was. He is someone who is supposed to be a model, someone who is supposed to support you during the best and the hardest of times, someone who should be your ally.
After the event, I laid on my couch, looking up the ceiling, as everybody else was sleeping. My hands tucked under the pillow, my lips pressing together, I thought about the people who get into an accident, or get sick, and suddenly die, disappearing forever. And he's not going to come to an event like this because of miscommunication?? Because to him it is a matter of "principle?"
What's scary is my situation seems common. Some people told me stories about their parents refusing to attend their wedding because it was not taking place in a Catholic church. Another one told me her sister refused to attend after an argument about the kind of food they were going to serve. Lately, a distant relative told me her father didn't attend her baptizing because he wanted to hurt her mom.
When it comes from a close relative, it hurts more than anyone else. Moreover, the other party is often not even conscious of the effect their actions have. Family is important, it is great to have them around, but sometimes (or often?) certain members of our family are just a pain in the ass.
PRIDE. Especially males. We love to feel like we are wanted, that our presence is sacred. We love to have our ego flattered, petted. Maybe deep down he didn't want to attend. I'll never know.
Our bond is broken; he did something that will never be fixed. Deep down, however, I am not even mad at him because in this equation he is the loser. He is the one who decided to stay home.
The lesson? As Wavy Gravy quoted, "We're all bozos on the bus, so we might as well sit back and enjoy the ride."
Rethink some of your principles. Life is way too short.
With Purpose, Passion, and Love,
Frédéric Byé
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