ANGER

Have you ever been so angry at someone that you became numb? To the point where their words or actions overwhelm you and you don’t even react anymore? It could be towards a spouse, a parent, or even a stranger. How do you deal with anger?

To me, anger is an essential emotion; it tells us when we’re on the wrong track or not, when we need to do a ‘cleansing’ of negative emotions, and it’s an indicator of our state of mind. When channeled it can be good, when not, it can be devastating.

A colleague of mine carries so much resentment towards men that she’s completely turned off by them. Coming from a hard background –jailed father, alcoholic mother, she was beaten and stalked by her ex-boyfriend that resulted in a car accident; she also suffered partial loss of memory. Oh yeah, she also had cancer when she was seventeen. 

Each event happened before her twenty-seventh birthday. 

The shame of it is she is beautiful, alive, vibrant, you’d meet her and you’d immediately like her. She is driven, responsible, and loves animals (to me that’s a big indicator of a person’s character) But…but…inside, she is angry. Very angry, towards men. She’s in a sexless, emotionless, relationship, and confessed that if it wasn’t for the house they own, she’d leave him in a heartbeat.

Like my colleague, some of us are in a relationship but carry secret resentment for our spouse; it may come from a betrayal or something they said in the past. How do you react when the person you love, care about, and who has so much positive to them, disappoint you? Can you look them in the eye? Can you be in the same room as them and be present with them? 

In my opinion, our relationships become our secrets. Somehow, some way, the secrets will manifest themselves; unless we are completely honest with the other person.

The quote, ‘un-forgiveness is like drinking poison hoping it kills the other person’ couldn’t be more true. For me, the manifestation of unexpressed anger takes the form of a headache, I might have stomach cramps, I may be grumpy for a while and hit the gym.

Fortunately, I’ve often channeled my anger by writing; it’s been my saving grace, my outlet, it saved me from doing stupid things for a long time. Meditation and walking in the woods are also other ways I deal with my anger.

How do you channel your anger?

At the same time, anger is a great source of creativity, isn’t it? Any type of fictional story is driven by strong emotions. The readers, or listeners, won’t care what your character, or story, says unless they relate to it. In my opinion, the best way to create a ‘relationship’ with the reader is through strong emotions such as anger. 

Why do we cling to negative feelings so much? Are we an anger prone society? Why are so many of us quick to it? Why do we hear stories about ‘calm’ people who suddenly turn into monsters, seemingly in a blink of an eye?

As anything else in life, I think anger may be a good thing or bad thing, depending on how we use it, wouldn’t you agree?

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé