Getting Real

Hey guys, a while ago I wrote a post about dating (Truth In Dating), and following events I experienced this week, I decided to post another blog about that same fascinating subject. Now, although I have been with the same person for the last five years, in no way I am an expert in dating. I’ve had my share of failures in that field, and I did say a lot of stupid things in the past. Writing about it is much different from being in the game. I get that. But, I also think that being in the same relationship for a while brought a new perspective on how I was, and also the world around me.

I chose GETTING REAL by the Susan Campbell because aside from being a great book, the title matches perfectly what I want to share.

My colleague and I ate dinner with a married couple last Tuesday. Although it was the first time we met them, my colleague insinuated that he was single.

“A friend of mine is looking for a serious relationship.” The brown haired woman across the table said to my colleague. "If you want, I may introduce you."

After she showed him a picture, none of us could deny how attractive she was.

“You know, I am very selective when it comes to women,” my colleague said to the couple sitting in front of us. “In fact, I want three things: A nice face, a bubble-butt, and a nice personality.”

Though lucky that I didn’t choke as I swallowed the last bite of pork, I rolled my eyes, incredulous to what I was hearing.

Driving back to the training center, we chatted about the conversation. It turned out that my colleague had been single for more than two years, and hearing him talk about his ‘type’ of woman, I couldn’t help myself.

“You know, you’re like a woman who still believes in Prince Charming and whose criteria demand that the man is rich in famous.” You live in Lala Land. I wanted to add, but I held myself back.

To me, this colleague of mine is the perfect representation of the stories we tell ourselves when we are single for a long time. When I told my sweetheart what he said as criteria, she shook her head. “He should get a blowup doll.”

Knowing what I know now about relationships, there isn’t anyone who will be the ‘perfect’ lover. Trust me, there are things that my other half despises about me, and she has her flaws as well. To me, we may wish for a man who is tall, dark, and rich, but we might connect best with someone who is short, white, and ‘moderately’ handsome. :) Speaking from experience, I would rather live with someone I have a true connection with, as opposed to anything else. My wife does not wake up with her hair done, her make up on, wearing heels.

This attitude really irritates me at times now. Is it because I realize I was the same way as my colleague? Maybe. Sometimes I want to put a bag over my head because I look back at some of the stuff I said. But hey, that’s life.

I would greatly recommend GETTING REAL by Susan Campbell to improve your dating life. I love this author and she deserves to be mentioned. Her advice can really bring clarity to men and women. Single or in a relationship. It’s sad that most of us don’t get to learn more about relationships from our parents or school, as we grow up. We could avoid much grief as adults.

“All we need is a genuine curiosity, an openness to experiment, and a willingness to experience with awareness whatever comes up.”  - Susan Campbell

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé