REJECTION

How do you deal with rejection? Rejection affects a deep part of ourselves, even those hidden, buried parts of our consciousness we'd like to avoid at all costs. Some people can't take rejection and will go to unimaginable lengths so it doesn't affect them.

A gym owner confessed to me recently that her real passion is to be an actress. "I avoided it all my life because I know that if I get rejected, it will destroy me. If a client doesn't want to subscribe to the gym, I can handle that, it won't affect me as much."

It shook me. I have rarely seen such an enthusiastic person in my life around her clients. She is by far one of the best salesperson I've come across. Most people who subscribe mention that the reason they did was because she was so passionate.

"But I'm too old now to act (she is 50)," she added at the end of our conversation.

My wheels were spinning and I thought about the millions, if not billions, of others who do the same thing everyday. Some might be 20, others 30, and that fear of rejection costs them a lot, even their dreams. Is fear worth the price of our destiny?

In the book "Champion dans la tête" (by far one of the best book on performance I ever read) Francois Ducasse and Makis Chamalidis mention that people who achieve a lot are usually those who are willing to suffer the most. They mentioned how the will to win is stronger than everything else.

The truth is, rejection is everywhere all the time. What if you're a model and you notice someone on an ad that you auditioned for? BAM. Another rejection. And the worst thing is no one else may notice your pain.

What about the rejection from the opposite sex? In my view, that's one of the most hurtful. Oftentimes, that pain is so subtle, almost unnoticeable, it becomes like toxic waste when undealt with. How many men are deeply afraid of it but would never admit it? To some, it may even lead to suicide. I am positive you know people in your entourage that don't go on dates, that would rather stay home and single than to face the possibility to be rejected by a man or woman.

Rejection affects our core self, and it tests who we really are on the inside. It unveils what we really 'got.' In my field, any writer faces countless rejections throughout their careers. Speaking from experience, it's very easy to fall into the trap of self-loathing, self-pity, coming up with every possible excuse why our dreams will never come true.

Bryan Grazer recently said on an interview how Hollywood should simply change its name to 'NO' when he talked about the times he got rejected.

But the truth is, is rejection a sign of defeat? Or is it a sign that we're taking steps forward? It depends of our perception, obviously. In my book, although I am not immune to self-loathing, rejection means I stepped into the world, I took charge of my dreams. Though frustration may creep its ugly head for a moment, I do my best with the help of people I trust to keep my hopes up.

I'm not going to lie, there was a point when I thought, "What the hell did I get myself into? Why the hell did I put my heart and soul into my writing to end up here?" All sorts of emotions surfaced, like regret.

The reality is that we will always face rejection again and again. It's part of life, and in my opinion it's part of our personal growth.

When you look into the mirror after a tough defeat, stare into your eyes and say: CONGRATULATION, YOU ARE TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR DREAMS, NOW GO OUT THERE AGAIN AND MAKE IT HAPPEN. YOU ARE A WINNER. I LOVE YOU.

Then notice the fire in your soul.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé