When I met my current
girlfriend of five years I was jobless. By no means was I depressed, or down on
myself though. Au contraire, I had left my job in the fitness industry on my
own will. My boss frowned with suspicion when I told him I was leaving not
knowing what I was going into next. “What kind of person does that??” I
remember him shouting with disbelief permeating his voice. He didn't believe me
and though I respected him, I didn't care.
Eight months went by
and I got on the phone with a friend of mine: “I'd like to have a girlfriend,
you know, meet someone and have some fun.”
He knew about my
situation and didn't hesitate to set things straight. “Fred, find a job, get
your life back together and then, you'll meet someone...”
We hung up and I
remember how wrong it felt; I thought now was the time to meet someone. “When I
do get the job and the money she may like me for the wrong reasons, in my
book.” Speaking from experience, when success comes most people around us
become odd, they change, and you get a lot of new ‘cousins.’
I didn't want that.
My self-esteem was intact, my heart and my goals were at the right place, “That
should be enough,” I kept mumbling.
Looking back, I was
aware of what kind of woman I didn’t want:
-Someone who’s
looking for job and financial stability. Someone who wants to ‘settle.’
-Someone who does
things for others without first checking with herself if it’s right or wrong
for her; such as family pressure, friends, etc…
-Who’s looking for a
man to provide for her.
Shortly after I spoke
to my friend, an ex-classmate from high school I hadn’t spoken for years
contacted me on Facebook. The chat went well until she asked me what kind of
job I was doing. When I told her I didn’t work and that I was volunteering, she
never replied.
Surprisingly, I
remained mostly unfazed. Yes it did stung a bit, not going to lie, but for the
most part I realized that I knew what I wanted more than I thought.
I wrote a list that I
still value to this day:
-A woman who puts God
first, even before me. I didn't want her to be in any particular religion, I
just wanted her to be spiritually grounded. I believed spiritually grounded
people are happier, and when the storm comes they have a solid base. They're
also more down to earth in general.
-Financially secure.
Someone who controls her emotions towards money, regardless of whether her bank
account is full or empty.
-Who listens to her
intuition over anyone else's opinion. I didn't want someone who would let her
friends guide her life. Friends are important, and although it's important to
value what they say, I wanted someone who was mature enough to make a decision
on her own.
-Who goes for her own
dreams. A woman who dares to take risks and is willing to live this adventure
called Life with me. Someone who would be my ally and would stand in the fire
with me (and I with her), even when it’s unpopular.
I listed one hundred
things touching on all subjects such as sex, clothes, and even the make-up.
**As Martha Beck wrote on oprah.com: You must describe the person down to the
color of the socks!
That's what I did and
I met my current spouse a few weeks later...
With Purpose,
Passion, and Love,
Frédéric Byé
** Read more:
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Find-Love-Do-Magic-Lists-Work#ixzz3cynFVYwS
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