THE DISEASE TO PLEASE

In our everyday jobs, and our personal lives, the desire to be liked by others is a natural inclination. After all, as human beings that’s all we are: love. We want our parents to love us, our friends to appreciate us, our children to respect and admire us. Love, that’s the main thing we want to experience, the rest are just details.

Is it wise to behave this way as adult professionals? Or even on the dating scene? Is this really the way the real world operates? The wealthy often feel guilty for their wealth, so they may give more than they should so others may not judge them. Successful individuals sometimes apologize for their success by keeping a low profile. How does it feel when we climb the corporate ladder and the time comes to acquire power, fame, or money, and we have to trample over the colleague we befriended? He or she may even have brought us into the company in the first place.

As a writer I give my opinion, it may be in a subtle way such as fiction writing, or it might be in a blog, but automatically this means that there will be people who won’t agree with my point of view. Some may even be offended. With Twitter, the world has unlimited access to our private lives. If we’re public figures, we may receive a thousand positive comments, but if one, two, or three people express negative words to us, we'll remember them. Why is our brain wired that way? Why do negative comments, or feelings, are more likely to stick?

In my previous career, and I’m sure in many of your jobs, the system was such that you had to become selfish, step over people to show the ones ‘above’ that you meant business. In a corporate environment, when we value happiness over money we’re often misjudged for not being ambitious enough. In other words, greed is the way to go. How many of us feel good about this? I get the idea that as a boss you need your employees to ‘get off their butt’ so to speak, and if they don’t bring in money, well, you’ll be out of work. The boss included. For many of us, however, the idea to ruffle feathers with others, or walk into a room and feel the evil stares, is just unbearable. Our behavior shows we’d rather have less professional success than to risk being disliked. Is this weak? Deep down, are we not inclined to maintain peace and harmony with our peers? Or are some of us simply better at hiding it?

Guilt is often the main driver of our self-destructive behavior. Experts say we have a conscious and subconscious mind. When it comes to money, sex, politics, and religion, the subconscious takes over, and that's when we're inclined to make fatal mistakes. Others notice our body language and hear our unconscious words, we don't.

Speaking from my experience, it often requires being hurt, cheated, or abused, for us to finally ‘get off our butts’ and not care what others think. Why does it take pain to change? To me, it’s like the dating life: when we’re young we believe in prince charming, or the ‘perfect girl,’ we have an idea of how things should be. But when someone plays with our emotions and ideals, it pushes us to put our boundaries. The more mature we get, the more we know what we want and know what we are willing to deal with or not.

The disease to please is a curable ‘disease’ that I think maturity, putting our boundaries, and knowing what we want, may heal.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

THINGS WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN

When I hear women talk about men I often cringe at the things they mention. My head shakes as I wonder where the hell did they come up with that?!

Men don’t think like women. I’m sure many of you read the book ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ by John Gray, well, it’s true. Not only do our bodies react differently, our minds work in an odd way also.

First, Our fascination for other women.

Oftentimes women are bothered when their man looks at other females. Ladies, if you think that’s ever going to stop you’d be better off reading the next edition of ‘Why I’m single.’ It won’t happen. It will never happen. We will imagine and fantasize about them no matter what. It’s instinctive. No matter how beautiful our spouse is, we will still acknowledge and ‘marvel’ at other women. Think about it, we’re no longer in an age where our next door neighbor is two miles away and then you marry the first daughter of so and so. As soon as we step out of our homes we’re tempted. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G women wear and how they behave in general relates to sex in some form or fashion; from tight jeans to a dark eyeliner. In other words, temptation shows up as soon as our feet hit the cement floor. If your man says he doesn’t look at other women or even fantasize about them, he lied to you.

So fact number one, men will always, always, fantasize about other women. Get used to it. (And men should accept that their woman fantasizes about other men also.)

Secondly, Prince Charming doesn’t exist.

Nope, he doesn’t. Jessica Rabbit doesn’t exist, neither does Christian Grey. If you think he does, well chances are he will show up with a lot of emotional baggage, as a poisonous gift received from the evil witch. Men are humans and, frankly, most men are wussies. They’re just as afraid about life as you are ladies, they just don’t show it; it wouldn’t be very sexy, huh? Let’s face it guys, in many instances we have just as much balls as women do.

Women, you better save yourselves and don’t wait for Prince Charming to do it for you.

Third, Sex.

We don’t need ‘emotional connection’ to have sex. When we look at a complete stranger who attracts us we sure as heck don’t think about the kind of flowers we will buy her. We imagine her naked. We fantasize about her in bed. They say lust is men’s greatest weakness. It is. If you read the Bible, it brought powerful rulers down in a blink of an eye. We think about sex all the time, romanticism…a lot less trust me. So it’s important to communicate your sexual fantasies to your man, and that he does the same. We all have them. Just like he must respect and accept your sexual needs, you must accept and respect his, even if you don’t agree with them. To deny his fantasies or judge him will be a deal breaker. He will fulfill his fantasies anyway without your knowing.

Remember, men are just little boys at heart, they all need a woman’s touch and understanding.

Above all, remember one thing ladies, YOU have the power over us. Trust me, without you we’d be nothing. No guy will ever admit this but it’s true. Everything we do relates to impressing you in some form or fashion.

As Stephen Mitchell wrote so well in the Tao-Te-Ching: ‘We join spokes together in a wheel, but it is the center hole that makes the wagon move.’

Women, You are the center that makes the wagon move.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

THE TABOO OF MONEY

I’m still amazed that even in 2015 the almighty dollar is a subject of such controversy and mystery. When I watch many television shows or read articles online, I’m surprised how so many of us feel guilty to get paid for our services.

I’ll use myself as an example. When I was a financial advisor, the managers used to tell me that I was too kind with the clients thus I had a hard time closing the sale. In fact, when I look back I felt guilty selling what I was selling. I felt like I was ‘taking’ money from the client, instead of actually being rewarded for helping him. Money was the be all and end all of everything we did. When we came back from an appointment and had to meet with our managers, the first question they asked us wasn’t how well we served the person we met with. The first thing they wanted to know was: Did you make a sale?

Given my experience, I am well aware of the ‘guilt’ and how we can convince ourselves we are doing the right thing for the commission/money we receive. I never felt comfortable as an advisor, but I feel perfectly at ease when it comes to my writing. Why?

There are many reasons that come to mind: maybe I feel my writing is much more aligned with my life’s purpose? Maybe I feel I am doing the right thing and I am rendering a valuable service I believe in? I’m not entirely sure yet, to be honest.

When I meet people from different cultures, I notice this discomfort about possessing money at even a higher level. A Haitian friend of ours said that when she received 500$ she gave 495$ as a donation and kept only 5$ to herself! I was astonished and made me question: Is the amount of money we keep for ourselves an indicator of how much we value ourselves? Does it determine our financial self-worth?

I may keep 20% of every dollar I receive for my investments and donate 10%.  Does it mean I’m selfish? Or am I taking my financial future in my own hands? In April, my tax expert went into a rant as he talked about a client he’s had for the last eight years. Apparently, she donates 7000$ to the church every year and she doesn’t even have enough for a RRSP (or 401K in the U.S). He also mentioned how some clients of his bring home close to 200 000$ a year and still can’t buy a house, saying that they don’t have enough money!

Where does this confusion about the almighty dollar come from? Why are we so mixed-up? Why do educated, smart people make such tragic mistakes? Why all these weird feelings?

I believe the ancient idea that ‘money is evil’ and the guilt religions instilled in us is still alive somewhere in our consciousness.  For many of us, schools don’t teach us about money, our parents don’t either, and certainly not our friends or our bosses. So who’s left? Only ourselves, I guess.

In the end, financial education is crucial, it should be taught in elementary school on the same level as English and Mathematics. With the current state of our economy, we have no excuses for being clueless about money. It is the main cause of divorces and overall anxiety in our society.  Did our schools just ‘forgot’ to talk to us about money? If we look at the history of our educational system, we should get some clues.

What’s your relationship with money? Do you feel at peace with it? Do you feel right about getting paid for your services?

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

RELIGIOUS OR NOT?

When I talk to Christians or walk in a Christian church, I’m often asked when did I accept Jesus-Christ in my life? To which I respond, “Though I like Christianity, I don’t consider myself a Christian, I consider myself Universal.”

As soon as I finish the sentence, I get mostly the same reaction from everyone: pupils shift to the side then to the floor, they lift their eyes back up, frown, and ask: “what does that mean?”

Though I live by many Christian principles (belief in prayer, belief in a higher power, belief that spiritually we are pure love…), I also do my best to adopt many of the Eastern way of thinking, like Taoism and Buddhism. (The Tao-Te-Ching is actually one of my favorite, if not my favorite, spiritual books of all-time. When I need a ‘spiritual boost,’ I pick Stephen Mitchell’s version---love it, love it, love it!---) Meditation and living in the present resonate with me in a deep way. In addition, the fact that some of the eastern religions are based on ‘a way of being’ like the Zen mind, instead of dogma, I tend to gravitate towards them.

The reaction is typically followed by either more questions, a wall shooting up between the person and I, or the person simply walking away.

Now, I have nothing against Christians, I admire anyone who tries to better themselves the best way they can, and if Christianity can do this for you then more power to you. J, my partner, is Christian, and obviously, we get along very well…But even when I told her about my ‘universality’ she at first didn’t understand. “It doesn’t make sense, there has to be one set of principles which you are more inclined to than the other!”

Others need to ‘label’ us with something…anything…as if it would make them feel more at ease around us. At first I cringed at that, but when we understand where others are coming from it’s easier to not let it get to us.

What about you? Do you feel like others want to put you in a box? Am I the only ‘universal’ person out there?

My opinion is, I don’t have to label myself anything, the fact that I read Christian books doesn’t make me Christian. Just like reading a Buddhist book doesn’t make me Buddhist. The truth is, I learn from every one of them and I respect each one of those ways of living. Everyone’s spiritual experience is different, IMO, and I sure don’t believe that one person, or even a nation, holds the ultimate answer to the way we should live our lives.

The more I speak with people, the more I realize many of us are ‘Universals in the closet.’ As human beings, we want an end to the religious divisions in the world, in other words we want Global Peace.

If extraterrestrials looked at us from another planet, I’m sure they would shake their head, puzzled, wondering why these crazy humans are killing one another, destroying their own race…

The good news is though, the globalization of the internet broke boundaries, thus the way to Universality is, IMO, inevitable.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

Say No

In my business endeavors, and when I worked as a financial advisor, I saw in myself and others how hard it is to pronounce the two-letter word to someone.

When I met clients or when we’d do contests for gym members, I took notice how many would come up with countless excuses to avoid saying simply ‘no' I don’t want to do that.’ Why is it so hard to affirm ourselves? Why do we feel so weak in saying no? Are we afraid that it will hurt the person in front of us? Why so much guilt? Discomfort? We’d rather lie, disappear, invent a ridiculous excuse, than to look the person in the eye and with assurance say, ‘NO.’ And leave it at that.

True, it’s hard to do when in front of a seasoned salesperson. As an advisor, the managers told us when the client acquiesces three times, - example: Do you agree that…., are you ok with the fact that…etc… -  it is harder for him or her to say no. Seasoned salespeople are like great seducers, they know the rules of the game, you don’t. They understand psychology, body language, within thirty seconds and a few questions they can figure out what type of person you are and take you where they want to go. For some it’s a game, for others it’s serious business.

Even with my experience, I often find it hard to say no to someone, simply because the person in front of me was so kind, or because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. With time, however, I came to question: Is the pain harder to bear if I might disappoint someone? Or is harder to say yes and regret it later, especially when my gut said I should’ve said no?

Many call it the ‘disease to please.’ I think we all have it at different levels, we’re all humans, and at the core, I believe we are love. The disease to please, however, may cost us a lot of pain if uncontrolled.  The inability to say ‘no’ and not having the courage to go with our gut, may cost us a lot of money, emotional pain, or we might even wind up in the wrong bed. Our manager used to tell us how to get to a person’s pocket you must first get to their heart. "Ask them troubling questions," he would say, "because people pull out their wallet not out of rational thinking (most of the time) but out of emotions." Can we say the same thing about dating? If you want to get into someone’s bed, first get to their heart?

The ability to say ‘no’ comes from, I believe, emotional intelligence. Even the most rational, intelligent person becomes defenseless if his or her emotional intelligence isn’t developed. Unfortunately, I don’t think there are other ways to overcome our inability to say no than to put our pants on and utter the two-letter word, no matter how the other person might react. To say yes is easy, to say no –especially when unpopular or under pressure – is a sign of strength, IMO.

I wish everyone could get sales courses and understand sales psychology, that way many people could avoid the trap of saying yes out of fear instead of no out love and self-respect.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

THE PERFECT LOVER

When I met my current girlfriend of five years I was jobless. By no means was I depressed, or down on myself though. Au contraire, I had left my job in the fitness industry on my own will. My boss frowned with suspicion when I told him I was leaving not knowing what I was going into next. “What kind of person does that??” I remember him shouting with disbelief permeating his voice. He didn't believe me and though I respected him, I didn't care.

Eight months went by and I got on the phone with a friend of mine: “I'd like to have a girlfriend, you know, meet someone and have some fun.”

He knew about my situation and didn't hesitate to set things straight. “Fred, find a job, get your life back together and then, you'll meet someone...”

We hung up and I remember how wrong it felt; I thought now was the time to meet someone. “When I do get the job and the money she may like me for the wrong reasons, in my book.” Speaking from experience, when success comes most people around us become odd, they change, and you get a lot of new ‘cousins.’

I didn't want that. My self-esteem was intact, my heart and my goals were at the right place, “That should be enough,” I kept mumbling.

Looking back, I was aware of what kind of woman I didn’t want:

-Someone who’s looking for job and financial stability. Someone who wants to ‘settle.’

-Someone who does things for others without first checking with herself if it’s right or wrong for her; such as family pressure, friends, etc…

-Who’s looking for a man to provide for her.

Shortly after I spoke to my friend, an ex-classmate from high school I hadn’t spoken for years contacted me on Facebook. The chat went well until she asked me what kind of job I was doing. When I told her I didn’t work and that I was volunteering, she never replied.

Surprisingly, I remained mostly unfazed. Yes it did stung a bit, not going to lie, but for the most part I realized that I knew what I wanted more than I thought.

I wrote a list that I still value to this day:

-A woman who puts God first, even before me. I didn't want her to be in any particular religion, I just wanted her to be spiritually grounded. I believed spiritually grounded people are happier, and when the storm comes they have a solid base. They're also more down to earth in general.

-Financially secure. Someone who controls her emotions towards money, regardless of whether her bank account is full or empty.

-Who listens to her intuition over anyone else's opinion. I didn't want someone who would let her friends guide her life. Friends are important, and although it's important to value what they say, I wanted someone who was mature enough to make a decision on her own.

-Who goes for her own dreams. A woman who dares to take risks and is willing to live this adventure called Life with me. Someone who would be my ally and would stand in the fire with me (and I with her), even when it’s unpopular.

I listed one hundred things touching on all subjects such as sex, clothes, and even the make-up. **As Martha Beck wrote on oprah.com: You must describe the person down to the color of the socks!

That's what I did and I met my current spouse a few weeks later...

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

** Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Find-Love-Do-Magic-Lists-Work#ixzz3cynFVYwS

SEX AND SPIRITUALITY

Sex fascinates us. It’s often forbidden, controversial, most of us have a strong opinion about it, and we all want it, whether we admit it or not.

North American people are not bothered by the idea of chastity, or abstinence, before marriage. In fact, many of us even never thought about it. As written in Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man, we no longer have to walk two miles to reach our neighbor’s door and marry his daughter, the only woman around. Today’s world is a little more complex. As soon as our foot hit the pavement, we are exposed, tempted. Most everything women wear that’s considered ‘beautiful’ is in fact related to many degrees to sex. 

I grew up in the Quebec and Montreal area in Canada. In these regions of the world, the idea of abstinence is considered archaic, passé, outdated, and I sure am unfamiliar with those rules. I officially lost my virginity at sixteen, my girlfriend at the time believed me when I told her, "don’t worry, just follow me, I got this, I did it before." Looking back, I was the virgin, she wasn’t.

When I got introduced to Christianity, and other types of spiritual beliefs, it was the first time I had heard about "no sex before marriage." It was also the first time I was around people who actually claimed to practice it, even here, in North America of all places.

To me, sex and spirituality are one and the same. A great sexual experience is a great spiritual experience.  It is my observation that for many of us sex is like money, everyone wants it but few admit to desire it. In the world of business, or even life in general, how many people walking the street look wealthy but are deep in debt? How many of us look hot and sexy, but have no fulfilled sex life? The quote, "believe half of what you see and none of what you hear," applies not only to business but life in general, I think.

Why, like money, don’t we teach sex to our kids in schools, even in 2015 (Instead of letting the porn industry do the job for us)? Deep in our consciousness, do we still hold ancient beliefs instilled by religious institutions that sex is dirty?  That we shouldn’t masturbate (especially for women?)

It  is my understanding that many surgeons claim women from different parts of the world sew their private parts to look virgin for their future husbands. Why such shame or fear? And where does sex and spirituality fit together?

Of course, if we base our opinion on what we see in porn, it is NOT spiritual at all, it isn’t even real sex. It’s more like a commercial showing a nice, performing car going at 80 miles an hour on the mountain roads under the cloudless, sunny sky. Even some porn stars admitted they feel ashamed, or guilty, for portraying sex this way, especially when they hear that teens get their education from it. Unlike billions of us who watch porn on a regular basis, those who understand the ‘behind the scenes’ realize that Santa really doesn’t exist.

How can we educate ourselves to combine sex and spirituality with sanity? From my experience, men need to understand women’s body (and psychology), and vice-versa. In my view, sex and spirituality are one and the same, and they come from the same source: Love.

        Sexual energy is the primal and creative energy of the universe. The suppression of sexual energy is false, ugly, and unchaste.

                                                  -Deepak Chopra

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

COLLEGE OR PASSION?

When I graduated from high school at seventeen, I was urged by my mother to get a ‘degree,’ to choose a subject to study, and go to College as soon as I could. In her world, this was the most important decision to make, one that would determine whether I’d be a success in life, or not.

To make a long story short, I attended for a year and a half to become a computer scientist –even though I had no interest. Finally, my mother allowed me to go after my dream at the time, when I was 21, to go to Louisville, Kentucky to be a wrestler (which was a positive, life-changing experience).

Now, when I see kids and listen to many radio shows, the subject of school is still a sensitive one. I get that if your dream is to be a doctor, a lawyer, or scientist of any sort, you have to go to College. But what about if you want to be a writer, an actor, an entrepreneur, or a singer?

Many people, wealthy and un-wealthy, walk with the secret shame that they didn’t finish College. There’s this stigma when someone asks which College you went to and the answer is, “I didn’t go to any.”

The pressure for kids in their late teens is huge when they finish high school, as if this is a make it or break it time. In my opinion, there are few kids this age who really know what they want. And oftentimes, the pressure from parents creates a bitter anxiety, and in the words of John Lennon, “you can't really function you're so full of fear.”

That question, college or not, became clearer when I was twenty-three. I met with three different counselors specialized to work with people who were searching for the right type of careers. These were their exact words, “If you knew the number of people who come to us saying they liked studying but really dislike working in their field, and they can’t just drop everything because they spent so much energy and money for their studies. (One of them shook her head) If you have a passion go for it now, because now you have the energy and, who knows, maybe you won’t even need a job or a degree because you’ll succeed. Schools are here to stay, they’ll still be there when you’ll be a hundred years old.”

That was enough for me. For the first time I had an objective answer, unlike the fear/emotion-filled responses I was used to when I would share my crazy ambitions with relatives.  

Knowing what I know now, success is much more about my inner qualities – perseverance, discipline, confidence, will to learn, ambition, etc…- than the degree I choose. Some people are janitors and multi-millionaires.

After I met with the counselors I had specific objectives in mind: Find my passion, then choose to use school as a tool to enhance my skills or not. I also chose to look at the ‘why’ I'm doing what I'm doing, not just the ‘how’ I'm going to succeed. 

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé 

MEN AND MONEY (AND THE IMPACT ON WOMEN)

Men and women don't have the same attachment to money. In my personal experience, when I met clients as an advisor, women would have very different reactions from men when they couldn't afford a product. Women would say it straight up: “I don't have the money,” whereas men would groan, avoid my glare by looking at the document in front of them, and I would be met with statements such as: “this is of low quality because...”, “do me a favor, can you check this or that and comeback?” (of course they would cancel the next appointment),  in other words, they would say everything but the truth.

To men, money means self-worth, they can provide, it's related to their power, social status, and let's face it, it boosts our confidence about the other gender. It's all about the other gender; women show off their lipsticks, jewelry, sexy clothes, etc.... Men, it's all about wealth. The dough. The more dough, the more power, the more power, the more chicks. Bottom line.

Again in my experience, women are willing to talk openly about money or lack thereof,  they share out loud how their pay is low, they say how broke and how hard times are. Men...not so much. And let's face it ladies, a broke man isn't sexy, whereas a broke woman means she needs help, she needs us. And then we can become a hero.

As mentioned above, money is directly linked to our self-esteem, what we can give to a woman. That's why when we notice women with their Dolce Cabana bags and wide-brim Fedora hats, the first thing which comes to mind is how much she may cost us, and can we really afford her?  Our hearts might skip a beat when we see all that glitter, what's attractive to you might not be so attractive to us, depending on our economics.

Let's face it, only 4% of the population makes over 100 000$ a year, so that means few of us can afford you a wealthy, noteworthy lifestyle we can gloat about. And men, that's what we want: gloat about how wealthy we are and how our woman is well taken care of.

Money is linked to our ego too; our most precious asset. Having money means our ego is intact, we're safe, we got it all together. Financial struggle means our ego is shaken, crushed, we feel humiliated, and less than a man.

So many women say how guys never approach them, in fact the less wealthy a woman looks the more opportunities she'll get. The more fancy she looks...men will think twice; not because she's not attractive,  but because of economics. Pure and simple. We're providers, that's our instinctive nature, you don't give us the space to provide, we'll walk away, and you're still going to be looking for the man of your dreams. I'm not saying to look deprived, I'm saying be careful with your fancy, high-class manners...they can be either annoying or downright unattractive.

Bottom line ladies we use money to impress you, and when we don't have it we feel ashamed. Think about money as you think about your weight. Being looked as a broke ass dude is the equivalent of being looked at as out of shape and unattractive. Your weight and appearance are your sex appeal; to us money is our sex appeal.

With purpose, passion, and love, 

Frederic Byé

ANGER

Have you ever been so angry at someone that you became numb? To the point where their words or actions overwhelm you and you don’t even react anymore? It could be towards a spouse, a parent, or even a stranger. How do you deal with anger?

To me, anger is an essential emotion; it tells us when we’re on the wrong track or not, when we need to do a ‘cleansing’ of negative emotions, and it’s an indicator of our state of mind. When channeled it can be good, when not, it can be devastating.

A colleague of mine carries so much resentment towards men that she’s completely turned off by them. Coming from a hard background –jailed father, alcoholic mother, she was beaten and stalked by her ex-boyfriend that resulted in a car accident; she also suffered partial loss of memory. Oh yeah, she also had cancer when she was seventeen. 

Each event happened before her twenty-seventh birthday. 

The shame of it is she is beautiful, alive, vibrant, you’d meet her and you’d immediately like her. She is driven, responsible, and loves animals (to me that’s a big indicator of a person’s character) But…but…inside, she is angry. Very angry, towards men. She’s in a sexless, emotionless, relationship, and confessed that if it wasn’t for the house they own, she’d leave him in a heartbeat.

Like my colleague, some of us are in a relationship but carry secret resentment for our spouse; it may come from a betrayal or something they said in the past. How do you react when the person you love, care about, and who has so much positive to them, disappoint you? Can you look them in the eye? Can you be in the same room as them and be present with them? 

In my opinion, our relationships become our secrets. Somehow, some way, the secrets will manifest themselves; unless we are completely honest with the other person.

The quote, ‘un-forgiveness is like drinking poison hoping it kills the other person’ couldn’t be more true. For me, the manifestation of unexpressed anger takes the form of a headache, I might have stomach cramps, I may be grumpy for a while and hit the gym.

Fortunately, I’ve often channeled my anger by writing; it’s been my saving grace, my outlet, it saved me from doing stupid things for a long time. Meditation and walking in the woods are also other ways I deal with my anger.

How do you channel your anger?

At the same time, anger is a great source of creativity, isn’t it? Any type of fictional story is driven by strong emotions. The readers, or listeners, won’t care what your character, or story, says unless they relate to it. In my opinion, the best way to create a ‘relationship’ with the reader is through strong emotions such as anger. 

Why do we cling to negative feelings so much? Are we an anger prone society? Why are so many of us quick to it? Why do we hear stories about ‘calm’ people who suddenly turn into monsters, seemingly in a blink of an eye?

As anything else in life, I think anger may be a good thing or bad thing, depending on how we use it, wouldn’t you agree?

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé