Live To Fight Another Day

I am NOT down. I am still up. I am still alive. Live to fight another day.

Have you ever lived to fight another day? What does that really mean? And why should I fight? It is not the fight itself, it is the reason for fighting that matters: for a relationship, to get out of debt, to get good grades, for a business to take off. Why would I do that? I'm going to live to fight another day because the reason is more important than my own ego, it's more important than me. I'm going to fight because I need to, in order not to accept the status quo. I'm going to fight because I am a winner and I can. I'm going to fight because I deserve what I want, and I will get it. I'm going to fight for love. I love what I do. I'm going to fight for YOU, the readers because you deserve the best of me and I love you. Live to fight another day because we're in this together, and we're all winners at the end of the day. I'm going to fight because I love you.

What else is there to fight for, but love?

What the biggest fight you have to battle in your life? Hunger? Money? Relationship?

I used to feel lonely all the time, as though I was yearning for love. How can we walk on a street full of people and still feel lonely?

The financial fight is one most of us have to face at some point or another. What do you do when the bills come and the money is not there? How do you feel when you pay with your credit card knowing in your gut that you can’t afford what you’re buying?

In the last few weeks, I had conversation with many fascinating people, young and old, for the new podcast that will be launched next week. I spoke to an aspiring singer and she told me how she chases wisdom instead of wealth. I thought about how wise she is for her young age of 22 years old. It reminded of a story I read years ago, and it will inspire you too.

**Once upon a time in a faraway land, a young man went to the forest and said to his spiritual master, "I want to have unlimited wealth, and with that unlimited wealth, I want to help and heal the world. Will you please tell me the secret to creating affluence?"

And the spiritual master replied, "There are two Goddesses that reside in the heart of every human being.  Everybody is deeply in love with these supreme beings. But there is a certain secret that you need to know, and I will tell you what it is.

"Although you love both Goddesses, you must pay more attention to one of them. She is the Goddess of Knowledge, and her name is Sarasvati. Pursue her, love her, and give her your attention. The other Goddess, whose name is Lakshmi, is the Goddess of Wealth. When you pay more attention to Sarasvati, Lakshmi will become extremely jealous and pay more attention to you. The more you seek the Goddess of Knowledge, the more the Goddess of Wealth will seek you. She will follow you wherever you go and never leave you. And the wealth you desire will be yours forever."

**From Creating Affluence by Deepak Chopra, M.D

Live to fight another day.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

A Warrior's Lesson: My Husband Shot Dead Part 3

She is a mother, daughter, spouse, and entrepreneur. Born in the Province of Quebec, she lives on the South Shore of Montreal, Canada. Her story is tragic and inspiring. As her career as a nurse took off, her life turned upside down: Her husband was shot dead.

With two children to take care of, she had to dust herself off and move on with her life, facing every emotion known to men: anger, fear, confusion…

You will be amazed by her story, and hopefully you will learn the lessons she learned. Her story is the story of every one of us: a regular person, with a regular job, whose idea of success was ingrained in her since childhood, and she was successful at it.

Overnight, everything she believed in vanished, suddenly she had to learn a new way of life.

Meet Anick, a friend, a colleague, a warrior.

Part 3 

Did you go back to work?

I did but I felt judged by my peers. It had to do with a post traumatic syndrome because I learned the news of my husband's death at this same place.

I left after around 6 months.

 So you had no job again.

No. I had no plans, I was single, and all I did was take care of the children. I met with the psychologist, I read, I did a bit of meditation. What liberated me was sport. I ran a lot and took dancing courses, it allowed me to meet new people since I was home all day.

What happened next?

In 2005, the reconstructive period started. I volunteered then worked at my children’s school for a few years. In 2009, I worked for a nonprofit organization that did research for sclerosis. I also gave speeches. I was invited to conferences about the mourning of children after a parent died. I did a lot of sporadic stuff. I needed to feel I had professional success outside of the home.

I attended workshops on personal growth and I enrolled at the Dream School in Montreal.  I studied everything about my dreams.

Is there anything in particular that came out of this experience?

It's funny because I learned about career orientation through dreams. I dreamed about the same thing every night:  I was in an empty cube. When the opportunity to become a financial advisor came, I was assigned a cubicle and I thought about my recurrent dream. It made me smirk but at the same time it worried me; I had a bad feeling about this place.

You did the dream analysis course while you were working at the nonprofit organization for sclerosis?

Yes. Then in 2011 they cut a lot of people and I was one of them. After I was let go I took 2011 and 2012 off. Again, I had zero plans. I lost a lot of weight, I trained, I read a lot of books, including Catherine Ponder's The Dynamic Laws Of Prosperity, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

In the later part of 2012 I became officially a financial advisor.  Though I had a bad feeling due to the recurrent dream, I was attracted to the superficial side of this industry. I bought new clothes, new shoes, new jewelry, and I thought I would make a lot of money.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be bittersweet.

Can you elaborate? 

I discovered the pervert side to positive thinking, the law of attraction, abundance, etc… 

When you hang out with positive people, when you repeat affirmations every single day, and things don't happen, you lose sight of what you have in the present moment. I thought if I visualized my countryside home and wealth, they would come to me.

Once I became a financial advisor, economic stress took a hold of me and I questioned why I came into this field, I thought I was going to make a lot of money, I thought I was going to achieve new things, I thought I had clear goals, and nothing came of it. I was thoroughly disappointed. That's when I realized that I needed to make realistic affirmations and not just positive affirmations.

Interesting. What’s the difference?

Positive affirmations oftentimes lead to tension, as opposed to realistic affirmations. For example, “Abundance come to me, come like an avalanche,” versus, "I'm getting better and better every day.”

Which one feels better? In the latter there’s less stress, less anxiety attached to it.

So realistic affirmations are geared toward well-being instead of superficial, materialistic goals?

Yes, I put aside material wants and needs, and focused more on my personal happiness.

Do you feel the law of attraction and this idea that we can attract anything we want became shallow, as if it became a trend?

This is the thing, it's no longer about inner work, or a personal growth tool, it is, like you said, all about material things.

When I became a financial advisor, I kept thinking I would make more money. It was no longer a spiritual thing.

How do you interpret this career move? To you, was it a failure or was it part of your personal growth? 

I felt I hadn’t made it. I was disillusioned about  affirmations and meditations. But I was also aware it was an experience I needed to learn from. It's a combination.

Were you still single at the time?

No. I met Pierre in 2005, a little over two years after the event happened.  He helped me get my finances back in order.

That's a great sign of courage because many would have avoided getting into another relationship. You seem to understand yourself way better now.

Yes. As a financial advisor I discovered my strengths. I love to create mini projects; I don't like to manage them, but I love to create them.

What's next?

I am excited about the future. I know I can turn the events of my husband dying into helping others. I am planning on writing a book about my story and I already have an offer from an editor. The good thing about it all is I am able to look back with way more objectivity than a few years ago. I have two beautiful children, they are healthy, they do well in school, and to me this is an accomplishment. The other thing I am doing is I am working on opening a decoration store in a few months.

I am not where I want to be, I have to be honest. I would like to say I have this successful career but I am working on it. Life goes on.

To finish, through all of this, what is the most important lesson you have learned?

You don't need 18 pairs of shoes. Don't clutter yourself with material things or debt. Live simply. Do what makes you happy, run your own race, respect yourself, stay true to your values. If you feel disrespected, leave. If you want to say no, say no. Stop being kind and be true to yourself. Eat simple. Do not bury your head in the sand; take care of your finances or whatever you’re struggling with, now.

Simplify your life.

- Anick

You can reach Anick: https://www.facebook.com/anick.royer?fref=ts

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frederic Bye

A Warrior's Lesson: My Husband Shot Dead Part 2

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She is a mother, daughter, spouse, and entrepreneur. Born in the Province of Quebec, she lives on the South Shore of Montreal, Canada. Her story is tragic and inspiring. As her career as a nurse took off, her life turned upside down: Her husband was shot dead.

With two children to take care of, she had to dust herself off and move on with her life, facing every emotion known to men: anger, fear, confusion…

You will be amazed by her story, and hopefully you will learn the lessons she learned. Her story is the story of every one of us: a regular person, with a regular job, whose idea of success was ingrained in her since childhood, and she was successful at it.

Overnight, everything she believed in vanished, suddenly she had to learn a new way of life.

Meet Anick, a friend, a colleague, a warrior.

Part 2

How did you learn the news?

A part of me was aware he died. I was eating at the cafeteria and saw two police cars outside in the entrance. I thought, “I hope nothing happened to Benoit.” I remember as if it was yesterday.

When I went back to work a colleague told me to go downstairs because someone wanted to talk to me. I took the elevator and knew something happened to him. When the elevator’s doors opened, police officers stood at the entrance and I said, “he's dead.”

They answered yes.

 How did you react?

I remember screaming, I mean, to this day it’s very blur. I was enraged towards the police officers, asking them why they did this and why they left him for dead.

When we went to the hospital I was in a whirlwind, everything stopped, I lost control, and I had an out-of-body experience. I witnessed myself reacting. It was unreal…very hard to explain.

We understand that.

Everything went fast because I had to plan the funeral. It was hard because I also dealt with my gut-wrenching emotions.

In the end, I almost had no say in where the funerals were going to take place. When an officer loses his life on the job, the police department can decide how things are going to go.

 Even if you're his wife and the mother of his children?

You can decide certain things, but you have very few choices. If you decide to do a private funeral, they don't have any control, but if it's public, they have all the control, or most of it.  I decided to do a public funeral because he was Catholic, he died on the job, and he deserved the biggest funeral possible. It was my choice and I stand by it.

 What were you most worried about during that time?

All I cared about was the children. There were one and a half and three at the time. I needed to be strong for them, I needed to take care of them. To this day, I believe children are conscious when something like this happens, so I talked to them as if they were. I told them daddy is up in Heaven, and when they asked if he would come back I told them no. Children are aware of these types of circumstances in their own way.

They seemed fine though, surprisingly, they seemed happy. We played with teddy bears during the funeral. In many instances, and perhaps because of their innocence, children are stronger than adults.

 So while they seemed ok, were you worried about the future?

I stopped projecting myself in the future, I’ve been living day to day ever since.

Did you get help from a psychologist?

I tried everything under the sun like eye movement therapy. In the end, psychotherapy and meditation helped me the most. I loved the practical approach the psychologist offered. We planned my whole day and we went from there. After a traumatic event like this, only meditation and taking care of myself worked.

For the last ten years, I’ve been meeting a psychologist when I need to.

What went on after the events?

I was confused. Everything in my mind was in shambles. I stopped working and received money from everywhere: life insurance, his salary… I was overwhelmed, I didn’t know what to do with it all. I paid the house off and almost everyone of my entourage allowed themselves to tell me what to do and what was to come. Everyone seemed to have some type of advice; some thought I was a millionaire, others thought I was in need. I was even told I would never have to work another day in my life. Everything happened at the same time.

I was troubled between my newfound financial well-being and the loss of my spouse. I spent money like never before, I paid trips to friends, I gave money away, I had no idea what I was doing. Only ten years later, after I studied life insurance and estate planning, I understood the value of what I had back then, isn't that crazy?

STAY TUNED for the final and most insightful part! We will go into details about her reconstructive journey, what made her go on, the most important lesson she learned along the way, and where she is today!

This is the most important part; come back Thursday!

You can reach Anick: https://www.facebook.com/anick.royer?fref=ts

A Warrior's Lesson: My Husband Shot Dead Part 1

She is a mother, daughter, spouse, and entrepreneur. Born in the Province of Quebec, she lives on the South Shore of Montreal, Canada. Her story is tragic and inspiring. As her career as a nurse took off, her life turned upside down: Her husband was shot dead.

With two children to take care of, she had to dust herself off and move on with her life, facing every emotion to men: anger, fear, confusion…

You will be amazed by her story, and hopefully you will learn the lessons she learned. Her story is the story of every one of us: a regular person, with a regular job, whose idea of success was ingrained in her since childhood, and she was successful at it.

Overnight, everything she believed in vanished, suddenly she had to learn a new way of life.

Meet Anick, a friend, a colleague, a warrior.

Part 1

Give us an idea of your background. Where were you born?

I was born in St-Hubert, Quebec, Canada in the 1970’s. My mother worked in a daycare and my father worked as a butcher. They both came from a large family of sixteen kids and their parents were woodcutters and farmers.

We were the typical middle class family. We were not rich but we were doing ok.

Did you have brothers and sister?

I am two years older than my sister. She was born with a cardiac malformation and was sick during her entire childhood.  She had open-heart surgery in 1980 when this kind of procedure was still new to the medical community.

How was the atmosphere at home? Were you a religious family?

Not at all. My father was a serious alcoholic and he entered rehab at La Maison Jean Lapointe at fifty-five years old.

We were taught not to express what we truly felt. I was told the importance of being nice, docile, obeying other people. I was also taught to say yes to everybody and to be of service at all times.

How did you meet Benoit, the father of your future children?

We grew up in the same neighborhood. We used to go to the same school and had the same group of friends. Although we weren’t as close as we be would later, we always knew each other.

When we were around seventeen, we worked as lifeguards at the same pool. We fell in love during this period.

As opposed to my family, his family was doing very well financially. Most of them worked for the police department.

That’s when the story began. Picture us what your life looked like at that time.

There are three parts to my life: before the death of my ex-husband, after it, and the reconstructive journey.

I began to work as a nurse at twenty and he worked as a police officer. I loved everything about health, I loved helping other people, and I became very spiritual, although it wasn't as developed as it is today.

Between twenty and twenty-nine years old, I had a regular life: I had a husband, I had a home, and my children were born during this period.

When you say you were spiritual, were you a Christian, a Buddhist, what do you mean?

We believed in God, we were Catholics. We read the Bible like many other people, we went to church, our children were baptized, and we studied prayers.

I was a seeker, always questioning myself and asking the big questions about life. I visualized, I meditated, I read a lot on positive thinking.

With your husband, two children, your job as a nurse and his as a police officer, you had made it, right?

Yes, we loved our life and we thought everything was perfect. We were living comfortably.  Had he not died, I would still be a nurse, he would still be a police officer, and we would still lead the same kind of life.

Take us to that day. You are enjoying your accomplishments, life is perfect, then suddenly everything turns upside down.

At 7:45 that morning, we left home together for work. At ten he was shot on the job. I learned about it two hours later. The ground split and crumbled underneath my feet. I couldn’t believe it.

STAY TUNED for the second part of this exclusive story! We will go into details about the murder, how she announced it to her children, her financial struggles, and her mind-boggling emotional turmoil. Come back Thursday.

You can reach Anick: https://www.facebook.com/anick.royer?fref=ts

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?

This is today’s generation main question. Long gone are the days where we accept blindly what was instilled in us. Long gone are the days where we would have a job for the next thirty years. Long gone are the days where the sole purpose of our existence is to have good grades, get a good, stable job, marry, have children, build a home, retire, and enjoy life with the grand kids. This mentality for the most part is passé and we now crave adventure, we want ‘more’ than what our parents had.

I can say I have a chip on my shoulder. I’ve been told so many times that having a college degree is the ‘it’ thing to have. That if you don’t have it, you’ll be destined to a life of miserable, low-paying jobs. It seems that I’ve been fighting this my whole life, doing my best to prove everyone wrong.

In my early twenties I began to study successful people and the more I learned, the more I discovered that passion comes first when it comes to a sustainable, successful career. In my opinion, everyone should read ‘Life Is What You Make It’ by Peter Buffet, the son of the richest man in the world. When it came time to choose a career, his father advised to choose something that they love, he did not urge them to a college a degree.

Our education often pushes us to look outside of ourselves instead of inside. We are taught to perform, to be competitive, to wear nice clothes, to be attractive. In my life, no one pushed me to look inside myself. I had to learn this on my own. After my back injury in wrestling, I stopped everything I had done until that age and I learned about meditation, and I wrote personal journals as a way to change my way of thinking. I understood that something was wrong in the way I had been raised. I also understood that if I wanted answers to my questions I couldn't ask those close to me; every one seemed to be in the same mind frame.

In need of answers, I decided to meet with a therapist. Why? Because I needed someone to listen to what I had to say, not someone who would tell me how to think, or try to instill in me their values. Parents, as much as they love their children, are often too emotionally involved to give objective advice. The experience with the therapist was life changing, and it was the confirmation that I wasn’t crazy.

Through life experience, reading, meditation, and studying my behavior, I feel I am fulfilling my life’s purpose.

What’s the first rule of most religious traditions? KNOW THY SELF. For the most of us, it’s the last thing we do after good grades, a good job, a good marriage, good children, etc… In my opinion, it should the first thing to learn as early as we can, it would save us a lot of grief, time, and money.

How many of us had the ‘light’ in our eyes in our teenage and young adult years, and now in our late twenties onward that light dims a bit more each year? How many of us feel like life is passing us by? How long are we going to ignore that little voice inside of us, that spark wishing to turn into wildfire? Come on, you know what I’m talking about.

If you weren’t getting paid, would you do the job that you’re doing? Go inside.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frederic Bye

DO YOU BELIEVE IN SPIRITS?

All of us wondered at some point in our lives about spirits and if they actually exist. Who, as a child, was not afraid of the dark? Who never heard spooky stories about how so and so’s friend encountered strange events when they were on vacation or in their country home? What about movies? Even Hollywood uses our fear of spirits to scare us…and we pay for it.

The mystery of spirits exists since humankind came to be. Our beliefs in something ‘higher’ and the invisible has been instilled in us in every religion. Many ethnic groups and cultures use the fear of spirits to control or punish. According to the book “Life after Death” by Deepak Chopra, many believe, and even proved, that spirits walk among us every day. In fact, there are different planes of life after we die: some higher than others, some spirits are even unable to leave the earth, especially when their lives abruptly ended.

I’m afraid of spirits, thus, I’m afraid of the dark at times. It even occurs that I sleep with the lights on when my girlfriend is out. Do you? Why? Where does this fear come from? The subject of spirit is, in my opinion, like sex, religion, and money. Though everyone thinks about it, it’s taboo to mention it in public. We’d rather avoid it at all costs for fear to attract them.

Like an addiction, however, my favorite type of movie is horror. Not the gory ones, but those filled with mysterious, inexplicable spirit-related events. Where does this odd, human perversion come from? Why do we enjoy to suffer so much? Why are we addicted to it? Ghost movies or life after death movies like The Sixth Sense are some of the biggest grossing movies in Hollywood. Are we masochistic?  Every time I tell my girlfriend that I want to play ‘Ouija’ I’m met with an abrupt, commanding "no." Being from the Caribbean their belief  of spirits is ingrained in them since childhood. I came to accept that I’ll never play this game and quite frankly, I’m afraid of playing it.

It's mostly in African and Caribbean countries that I've been the most intrigued by spirits. When I visited my family in Gabon I had to be careful not to eat at a stranger's home, especially if she was woman, because she could put the 'magic potion of love' in the food. And they were dead serious. Another time we saw a man talking to himself punching a wooden post in the middle of the street, a friend mentioned how someone cast the 'boxer' spell on him.

It seems that we explain the unexplainable through the invisible world.

Though I’ve never encountered strange, frightening, spirit-related events, I believe there is another world we are unaware of and that spirits surround us. I believe in the power of prayer and that we all possess a soul, and that even though we physically die our spirit lives on afterwards.

Do you have a spooky story to tell? I’d like to hear it.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

THE LOVE OF DOGS

I'm afraid of dogs. I have been for years. But recently, I had a change of heart.

I’ve always been afraid that they ‘snap’ and bite me. When I was a child and in my teens, and even in my adulthood, I couldn’t get near dogs. You hear these horrible stories about dogs biting humans; their canines and thick bodies intimidated me.

We babysitted the dogs of one of my ex-colleague last year and to my astonishment, I fell in love with them. I discovered why so many people love them: they are a bundle of love. That’s all they know, love.

I realized what they bring to us, especially when we live alone. Unlike cats, they respond when you call them, they want your attention much like children. When you come home instead of a dead silence and darkness meeting you, that little ball of excitement will be waiting for you at the door, its tongue out, barking, seemingly telling you in no uncertain ways how happy it is to see you. It always seems happy to see you.

What about protection? What if you live in a big house? Or a dangerous neighborhood? Dogs are loyal to their masters, and in some cases more useful than any alarm system. In the famous words of Marilyn Monroe, “Dogs never bite me. Humans do.”

I understand why they're called ‘men’s best friend.’ I even become a little jealous when I visit someone and they own a dog. Because of this un-admitted envy, we plan on having a Chihuahua short coat or a Terrier breed, or maybe even Yorkshire.

One thing I noticed in us, humans, is we can be in the worst of moods but we can't deny the soft spot that takes form in our heart when we see a baby seal, a baby deer, or any types of baby animal for that matter. Animals have a special kind of positive, warming effect on us, almost spiritual. They are the symbol of innocence and peace.

I've learned that dogs are a great indicator of someone's character. When I meet an individual I look for clues about who the person is by observing their animal’s behavior.

Thinking about it, I was never afraid of dogs. I was afraid of their master. I interviewed a friend of mine for this blog yesterday (You will be amazed by her story) and her little dog died after being bitten by her next door neighbor's Pitbull. It tore her puppy size animal to the point where when she arrived at the hospital there was nothing the veterinarian could do to save her.

I realize just now other people's deep connection with their beloved pet.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé

DISCOURAGEMENT

The entrepreneurial journey is filled with pitfall such as false promises, bad decisions, bad business partners, etc... It's an uphill battle. All of us, regardless of what stage we're at in the journey have one thing in common: we hustle, fail, try again, etc…

I'm an adventurer at heart and I chose the entrepreneurial path a long time ago. One reason I enjoy it is because it is also the personal growth path. There's hardly anything else that will test you like running your business. It will test your will, your confidence, and your inner strength more than anything else. There's one trap that's one of the hardest to overcome though: discouragement.

Discouragement is subtle, it creeps into our consciousness like an ill-intentioned cockroach, initiating negative thoughts: I'm not good enough (then all the reasons why you're not good enough will pop up),  I'll never make it, it'll take me years and years before somethings positive will come out of this,  etc...

It’s as though the voices of the naysayers at last take over. For me, I can easily picture my mother’s finger pointing in my direction as she reminds me, “I told you so.”

It is no secret that to become an entrepreneur we have to be willing to face uncertainty at its worst. We take a chance, we quit lucrative jobs, we choose a path contrary to the values our families instilled in us. Whatever our circumstances, we all face the dreaded instability that comes with the pursuit of our dreams.

Speaking from experience, to start a business, or a new career, is like going to the gym; at first we are motivated, we’re full of enthusiasm, but when the initial stimulation wears off most of us gradually slow down. Some of us even quit.

Sometimes discouragement leads us to do shady things we might regret later. We might end up in the wrong bed, we might stab a trusted friend or mentor in the back. Chances are, if we let it grow, we might hang out with the wrong crowd.

I found out that the world of business is similar to the dating world. When you're discouraged others smell it, some even seem to have a damn good flair for it. And like dating, some will try to take advantage of our moment of weakness. God knows, if had a dollar for the number of times I witnessed a man prey on the easy girl, the one who reeks bad self-esteem…The same is in business.

To get out of that pitfall, I get in touch with my inner silence. Some meditate; I like to take a walk in the forest. In the morning, I empty my mind by putting my feelings on paper. Often  times, the simple act of observing a tree re-centers me.

A good support system is vital to me. I don't believe in the ‘lone ranger’ mind-set. Nobody makes it on his/her own; everyone needs an ally. For some it's a parent, a friend or a sister. Whoever understands our reality and who, when we fall, will encourage us to dust ourselves off and reach for that brass ring again is priceless. Even if it's just one person, it's enough.

When negative energy pulls me in that dreaded downward spiral, I remind myself why I started in the first place. I remind myself the purpose of my journey. From where I stand, no one is immune to discouragement, even the best of us.

As Jim Rohn mentioned: “What’s important is not the million dollars; what’s important is the person you have to become in the process of becoming a millionaire”

With Purpose, Passion, and Love

Frédéric Byé

WOMEN AND MONEY

As mentioned in an earlier post, men’s relationship with the ‘dough’ is particular: it’s linked to our self-worth, our self-esteem, what determines whether we walk with our heads high, back erected, feeling powerful towards the other gender, or not.

Women, however, seem to be much different. In many working environments I’ve been in, women were very open about their financial situation, even when it was bad. They complained about how they thought they’d have a bigger paycheck, they’d talk about how they have a hard time paying the bills, how they couldn’t afford this or that. Women talk about money as they would talk about make-up, or close to it. And I admire that. Their ego, or self-worth, isn’t linked directly to their bank accounts.

Do most women, however, link a man’s worth as a potential partner to his bank account? Is this the reason so many men go to incredible lengths to maintain their image of wealth and power?

Women I’ve dated mentioned how most of their friends are looking for wealthy guys, although they never say it to the man in question. Do men feel this subconsciously? We do. And by the way, women, this is one of our deepest fear: Would she date me if I didn’t have my wealth? Would she date me if I didn’t have this title, job, house, or fame?

Men are hung up with money; women are hung up with beauty. I think one question lurks in the depth of women’s soul: Will he love me if I’m no longer attractive? Will he love me for me? Not for what I represent?

With television and ‘celebritism’ part of our culture, I can tell you one thing: beauty, fame, and money doesn’t change who a person is (it only magnifies a person’s true behavior). I’ve been around people with ‘high social status’ and many of them are more insecure than the ones who are not famous. What happens if I lose this deal? What happens if my album or movie doesn’t do well? Who am I without the image of money and fame I created? It’s like a drug addiction. It’s easy to confuse the idea and the nature of someone. The idea of wealth is attractive. For the guy who owns it, however, it doesn’t change who he is, it’s everyone around him who believes that it does. The same with beauty…right ladies?

No matter how much women’s rights have evolved, I believe one fundamental truth remains: Men are providers and it’s noble to have a man pay for expenses…yeah even for those of you who say you’re independent, strong, and that you don’t “need” a man.

As much as a wealthy man is attractive, a wealthy women doesn’t have the same appeal to her opposite sex. In fact, chances are she will have fewer opportunities. Unfair? I think so.

Bottom line, we all want to be loved for who we are, not just for our money or beauty. Underneath the masks we wear during the day, under our carapace, we are all children longing for unconditional love.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frederic Byé

REJECTION

How do you deal with rejection? Rejection affects a deep part of ourselves, even those hidden, buried parts of our consciousness we'd like to avoid at all costs. Some people can't take rejection and will go to unimaginable lengths so it doesn't affect them.

A gym owner confessed to me recently that her real passion is to be an actress. "I avoided it all my life because I know that if I get rejected, it will destroy me. If a client doesn't want to subscribe to the gym, I can handle that, it won't affect me as much."

It shook me. I have rarely seen such an enthusiastic person in my life around her clients. She is by far one of the best salesperson I've come across. Most people who subscribe mention that the reason they did was because she was so passionate.

"But I'm too old now to act (she is 50)," she added at the end of our conversation.

My wheels were spinning and I thought about the millions, if not billions, of others who do the same thing everyday. Some might be 20, others 30, and that fear of rejection costs them a lot, even their dreams. Is fear worth the price of our destiny?

In the book "Champion dans la tête" (by far one of the best book on performance I ever read) Francois Ducasse and Makis Chamalidis mention that people who achieve a lot are usually those who are willing to suffer the most. They mentioned how the will to win is stronger than everything else.

The truth is, rejection is everywhere all the time. What if you're a model and you notice someone on an ad that you auditioned for? BAM. Another rejection. And the worst thing is no one else may notice your pain.

What about the rejection from the opposite sex? In my view, that's one of the most hurtful. Oftentimes, that pain is so subtle, almost unnoticeable, it becomes like toxic waste when undealt with. How many men are deeply afraid of it but would never admit it? To some, it may even lead to suicide. I am positive you know people in your entourage that don't go on dates, that would rather stay home and single than to face the possibility to be rejected by a man or woman.

Rejection affects our core self, and it tests who we really are on the inside. It unveils what we really 'got.' In my field, any writer faces countless rejections throughout their careers. Speaking from experience, it's very easy to fall into the trap of self-loathing, self-pity, coming up with every possible excuse why our dreams will never come true.

Bryan Grazer recently said on an interview how Hollywood should simply change its name to 'NO' when he talked about the times he got rejected.

But the truth is, is rejection a sign of defeat? Or is it a sign that we're taking steps forward? It depends of our perception, obviously. In my book, although I am not immune to self-loathing, rejection means I stepped into the world, I took charge of my dreams. Though frustration may creep its ugly head for a moment, I do my best with the help of people I trust to keep my hopes up.

I'm not going to lie, there was a point when I thought, "What the hell did I get myself into? Why the hell did I put my heart and soul into my writing to end up here?" All sorts of emotions surfaced, like regret.

The reality is that we will always face rejection again and again. It's part of life, and in my opinion it's part of our personal growth.

When you look into the mirror after a tough defeat, stare into your eyes and say: CONGRATULATION, YOU ARE TAKING CHARGE OF YOUR DREAMS, NOW GO OUT THERE AGAIN AND MAKE IT HAPPEN. YOU ARE A WINNER. I LOVE YOU.

Then notice the fire in your soul.

With Purpose, Passion, and Love,

Frédéric Byé