Have you ever been on the threshold of success, you know, something you’ve desired and dreamed of since forever, and suddenly it is staring you right in the face? Just as you are about to grab the brass ring though, a little monkey - let’s call it Winky – suddenly emerges from the depth of your subconscious and squanders everything. How does Winky do it? It leaps on your back and shouts every possible negative talk at you. As though emerging from a calm sea, all your insecurities blast out of the water: “You’re not good enough!” “You always mess everything up!” “Don’t even try…you’ll fail!”
Whatever your shadow is, or your fears are, Winky will shout them aloud. Winky is very smart, you see, it waits…and waits…and waits…calmly, you won’t even notice it. But then, when the Moment Of Truth comes, Winky makes itself known, and it is on a mission…to make you fail. It wants you to fail miserably, and remain trapped in the same pitfall you’ve been in for as long as you can remember.
That little nasty, cunning, animal, is a reflection of our past. Its words are the words we’ve accepted as our identity. Our environment, our family, our friends, TV, internet…all these have an influence on our minds. All of us will face this Moment Of Truth at some time or another. Whether it is meeting the client who will turn our business around, a book we are about to finish, or the opportunity to date the person of our dreams, Winky will show its ugly mug, try to squander everything…and laugh at you in the process.
With that being said, there are ways that I have found to tame that little monster. Recently, I learned that when it comes to certain situations – politics, money, religion, sex, etc…- the conscious mind suddenly vanishes to allow the subconscious mind to emerge. Our minds are like an iceberg; the conscious is the tip and what lies underneath the surface is the subconscious. The real game of life is played in the latter part. Whatever we haven’t dealt with, whatever we tried to bury pretending that it didn’t exist, rushes back to the surface and the boat drowns…along with all its promises.
The most important work we can do is self-work. Self-work is daily work. Stuck in traffic? Let’s see how you react. Do you get angry? Do you insult the other drivers? That’s an opportunity for self-work. Small, seemingly unimportant situations precede important ones. That is just a law. Before you hit the brick wall, you’re probably going to stumble upon the bump on the road.
I learned in my own life that the best time to work on my insecurities is during calm periods, the ones when I feel powerful and good about myself. It’s like insurance: When the crisis occurs, it is too late.
Insure yourself beforehand; become aware of your impulsive reactions, even the small ones. When the Moment Of Truth comes, you’ll be prepared for every possible outcomes, and that’s a confidence booster. Winky will probably attempt to jump on your back again, but it won’t stay long. Winky is smart, but you can outsmart it.
Do your self-work, it’s worth it.
With Purpose, Passion, and Love,
Frederic Bye
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